Better days *knock wood*

Yes, I’m superstitious. Get over it.

So, things have been good:

– I’ve been in physical therapy for my shoulder for a while now. The other shoulder started acting up from the exercises, so lately I’ve been doing my PT work on both shoulders, and it’s all going far better now. Actually, I’ve had massive improvements in my strength, and I’m in a lot less pain… in fact, it’s looking like I shouldn’t need surgery <knock wood> though I won’t know for sure for another month. That’s when I get to go see the ortho- guy, shortly after my next PT appointment. So yes, this all going swimmingly.

– Work is also going well. Had a kick-bum meeting today and proved my worth with a huge customer… and promptly found out I get to keep the account. Yay me! I’m looking forward to working with this group - they’re a lot of fun and I may get to travel a bit. To Toronto. Woo hoo!

Other things, I’m not so sure about:

– The state of the world… I just don’t know. I know I’m not thrilled with most of what I read in the news, but I’m not terribly clear on what I’d like to change. I’m not the type to be a stand-alone champion of the environment, or racial equality, or economic growth. I don’t have it in me to be that focused on one thing, though I admire those who do it… they know what they want the world to look like. I don’t know what I’d like to see… except I don’t think this is it. That’s the best I got.

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got at the moment… less pain, good day at work, and a lot of confusion about the world around me.

On opening jars and other things

Things I’ve learned today:

1. Pain is bad.   Pain is very very bad.  Especially when it shoots down your arm, with tingling and occasional numbing getting thrown in along the way.

2. Pain is bad.  See above.  When your arm hurts, tingles, and goes numb from time to time, that’s also bad.  Especially when you can’t grasp a lid on… say… hypothetically… pain meds.  Life + pain - (meds or ability to get meds) = bad.

3. Pain is bad.  See both aboves.  Especially when the PT work you’re supposed to be doing starts to have adverse affects on the shoulder that you thought was perfectly healthy… until yesterday.  Oh yeah, and the gap between ‘everything is fine’ and ‘you overdid it to the point where you may have done more damage’ is small enough that a very teeny tiny flea would get mocked for being small enough to… ya know.  No really… you know.  PT can suck a lot.

4. Pain is bad.  I think you get the point.  Because when you can’t open the f*ckin’ bottle of pain meds, and you can’t bend to reach the spot on your shoulder that’s causing the pain (and even if you could reach it, your hands and fingers don’t have the strength to do anything about it), and you can’t lift a glass of water when you’re thirsty… those things are bad too.

And the most important lesson I’ve learned today:

5. It’s freakin’ hard to teach a cat how to open a bottle of pain meds, or get a glass of water for that matter… but sometimes it’s still really nice to know that there’s someone else nearby… even if that someone has four legs and a tail.

***

Luckily, the worst of this fun-filled evening only lasted about 3 hours.  Over the past 40 minutes or so I’ve managed to get water and take meds that are (thankfully) stored in those little foil-backed plastic packages.  Sure, I needed a knife to open them… but I didn’t cut myself… so yay.  And these meds are good enough that they even help the mysterious joint pain in my right hand.  I’m a bit fuzzy-headed, and seriously considering skipping PT work tomorrow… but otherwise it’s nothing I haven’t been through before.

And yet, my pain meds are still in those little torture-device-type-bottles with the child-proof caps.

But check it out… with only a double dose and some intriguing leverage, I’m typing.

Go me.

For those of you who complain about roommates or spouses or kids who don’t do the dishes right or whatever… at least they can help you get to your pain meds.

I’m off to try to research how to make my kitty cat grow opposable thumbs.  I don’t think it’ll work… she’s already 5 years old after all… too late to evolve now.   So apparently I have a lot of research to do.

Yup, I’m cranky.  Sorry.  No one made you read this.

Just another day in paradise

I spent Monday evening walking with a friend and sitting by the lake. There was a lovely breeze coming off the water and the sun was inching it’s way towards setting… and it was a freakin’ beautiful day. She said that we were lucky to live by the lake, and I have to admit I agree whole-heartedly. My inner water-sign is happy here, and so is the rest of me. People say that home is where the heart is… and apparently my heart is somewhere in the lake. Which is really icky and inconvenient if you think about it… but I’d rather focus on the poetical view.

We sat and walked and talked, and eventually stopped at a diner for some munchies (potato pancakes are really good… in case you were wondering). I’d like to say we came up with some answers about the Big Questions of Life ™ but nothing so ground-breaking happened. But it’s nice to know that I can sit and walk and talk with a friend, and the bits of crazy running around in my head will feel less scary. Sure, my problems won’t all sort themselves out… but even so, it was a nice way to spend an evening.

We should do it again. When it’s not rainy.

New view out the window

I moved yesterday. I’m 3 minutes away from my old apartment, and yet somehow it feels completely different. The kitty cat is being incredibly brave, she’s been wandering around, sniffing and exploring her way through the new place. Granted, she also spends most of her day curled up under my bed, but that’s to be expected I suppose - years of not being allowed in my room made her insanely curious about the excitement that lay hidden there. I guess she’s not disappointed, though I’m not sure what she loves about it so much.

Unpacking is going… along. I have no idea where all of this junk is going to go, but we’ll see what happens. I’m hoping to throw more stuff away I think. Right now, I’m just excited that everything made it into the apartment, and that I’ve gotten the closets organized enough. Tomorrow, the washer and dryer get hooked up. The silliest little things have been keeping me going lately - like the simple fact that I no longer need quarters to do laundry. Sure, my bills will all be higher to compensate, but that teeny bit of freedom to not have to run to the bank or a change machine just to wash my towels… feels good.

The new year began with a bit of a bang and a whimper, all rolled into one. In too short a time, I’ve gone from having four grandparents to two… lost both grandfathers far closer together than I believed I could take. Most of the changes in my recent past all popped up over the past 10 weeks or so. I’d like to say - just for the record - interesting times can suck quite a lot. I’d like to ask for a break please… I’ll still go to work, I’ll still unpack and clean at home, I’ll spend time with friends and family, I’ll spend time with T. But I’m hoping that I don’t have to move again soon, that I don’t have to say goodbye anymore, that I don’t have to… that I don’t have to do things.

I’d also like the people I love to have a break… and the people they love as well. We’ve all had too many losses… and I’d really like it to stop. I don’t have phenomenal cosmic powers, and I can’t make these changes in my life or in the lives of anyone around me, but I can ask. Hope is a good thing.

Nanowrimo and other things

It’s Nanowrimo time again, and I should be writing.  I should be sitting at my computer every single day, writing away… creating plots and characters, weaving stories, enhancing details.  But lately, I’ve lost track.  Too many distractions, too many other things going on - November sneaked up on me without warning (I’ve noticed very few things sneak with a warning) and I couldn’t commit the time necessary to produce 50,000 words in 30 days.  I did it last year, and I have faith that I’ll do it again, but Nanowrimo 2007 will have to go on without me.  Alas.  I don’t think anyone will be too broken up over it - not even me.

But I have been writing again… just not all in one new book.  Several novels are in the works, and all of them keep growing - which is good.  Actually, two will soon be merging into one - the process has begun already, and it’s inching along as quickly as possible, which is far more slowly than I’d like.  But in theory, they’ll mesh well and turn into either a disturbing novel or a disturbing graphic novel.  Out of the past came a voice offering advice as to a lovely method for finding an artist, inker, and letterer (is that a word??) for my graphic novel in progress, but I’ll have to finish the story and get a few sketched pages first.  I know I can do it, but I’m not sure how long it’ll take.  Again… alas.  I need to keep faith in this endeavor - I need to believe I’ll figure out if this story needs verbal description, or if images will serve it better.

I’ll get there, I really will.  The writing is still going… but it’s far too scattered to focus all in one place, all in one plot.

My children’s book is done (in a very rough draft) but it’s done.  It’s waiting for a red pen attack, and for me to find an illustrator.  Anyone out there know one of those?   The search continues… as does the writing.

Back to it.

“Once upon a time…”

Projects away!

I’m a project manager.  Most of the time, I love my job.  Even when things suck quite a bit, I love my job.  But right now… heck even now… I love my job.  At the moment however, I’m not sure if I can survive it. 

No one is sending sharks after me or anything.  No giant robots or hostile aliens.  But no sleep either.  I’m freakin’ exhausted… all of the time.  The past couple of months have been getting more and more draining, and now I’m trying to pull through the last few hours until I can go home for the weekend and collapse.  Collapsing is good. 

To be fair, it’s not just the job.  The job stresses are actually about to change… not go away, but they’ll fade into the normal stresses of work.  Other stresses take their toll too, taking up space in my head and my heart and eating away at my ability to relax… slowly but surely.  The other stresses show no sign of fading, so sign of letting up, no sign of leaving me with the energy to breathe. 

And now, I am in desperate need of a nap. 

And a hot bath.

Yup.

I may even get to the nap and the bath (ideally in sequence rather than in parallel)… at least I hope so.  But when I’m clean and dry and have woken up again… there it’ll be.  Sitting, waiting… ready to pounce at any moment.

All hope of clear thought must’ve been left in my other pants or something.

Alas.

One more thing…

… check out the snazzy new look of this place!  I didn’t magically learn all kinds of new skills to make this happen.  But I have some keen friends who have pretty snazzy skills, and one of them helped make this happen.

Thank you C!

June 25, 2007

On June 25, 2007, I started a new job.  I’d been looking for a long time, and had even turned down offers which felt like the wrong move.  When this all began in March, I never thought I’d end up at a new firm… and I seriously doubted that I’d ever get the job I’d been looking for.  Well, just goes to show ya, life is out to surprise the crap outta you every step of the way… and not all of the surprises are unpleasant ones.  <knock desk in lieu of actual wood being available> 

Also on the list of surprises about the new job: one of my co-workers is someone I’ve known for years… and she sits about 12 feet away.  It’s weird to say the least. 

I never expected to have a name in a large global firm, but everyone here has been fabulous and incredibly supportive.  I love the job and the people… I love the room to grow and learn… and I love that I work downtown. 

Yay me!

Yup - it’s been a good day… even though it’s a Monday.